I Hold Your Hands And Begin To Count
by ayslio
Summary: Peace on the Nemesis is a once in a life chance. Starscream takes the advantage by dragging Knock Out for a shot in the skies and their nostalgia takes a turn to reflect back on who they are.
1. One

**Disclaimer** **:** _Transformers: Prime respectively_ belongs to Hasbro. I am only merely taking them on a spin. As in dragging two idiots joyriding into the sun while Megatron goes who knows where. Induce memories and tears to commence.

 **Author's Notes** : This story is not beta'd in anyway. I apologize if the characters are not what they seem based on their actions and dialogue. AU-ish? This fanfic is included with joking dreams and lots of thinking from late night thoughts.

Nanoklik – 1 second  
Klik – 1.2 minutes  
Breem – 8.3 minutes  
Joor – 1 hour/ Military Time [0400 hours]  
Deca-cycle – 10 days  
Solar Cycle – 1 day  
Quartex – 1 Earth month  
Stellar Cycle – 1 year

: : - Comm Link

* * *

 **Day** **O** **ne –** **A** **Vacation**

 _It's that time of year once more.  
_ _How graciously autumn sweeps me in._

Not again.

Knock Out woke, venting heavily. He wondered the last time he had a peaceful recharge without feeling sharp digits wrapping around his throat. A piercing smile and an all too familiar face flickered in his processor, before vanishing from the muddling thoughts that soon occupied. The red medic looked all over himself, making sure his polish wasn't scratched. He slid off the berth and exited his quarters, walking into the many hallways the _Nemesis_ offered.

Dreams were to only act as corrupted or altered memories from one's desires and fears.

Sadly, the Aston Martin wished he could somehow get rid of his fluxes.

His chronometer read it was way too early in the morning. A few troops were assigned night shifts to tend through while the rest were asleep. Knock Out peeked into the Bridge, where Soundwave keeps to himself for most of the day, apart from wandering in the hallways and to refuel. To his gnawing worry, said mech was still up, checking the monitors for any strange activity and keeping watch of the ship's systems. He internally vented and went to the common room, where others would refuel before leaving to tend to their duties.

Carrying a few energon cubes and subspacing them, he went to the medical bay to stare aimlessly at something. Anything. Re-checking the waxes, polishing rags, and even looking in a hidden away area to make sure Breakdown or some other did not steal from his high grade stash.

Joors drifted by. Morning rose, the sun star blooming over the horizon. Dawn was said to be beautiful among the fleshlings, even better up high in the sky. Depressing that they weren't any windows in the _Nemesis_. Many sleepy troops were beginning to online from their recharge, stretching and groaning. The corridors began to fill of Vehicons murmuring quietly. Rarely would they find the higher ranking officers strolling by, only midday and afternoon was when they were spotted more often than not.

For once in their long and short-lived lives, the war was still. Not the battles when everything grew stale. Not when Megatron and Optimus Prime have each other in a deadlock. It almost seemed normal. A casual day to walk around aimlessly and whistle without being beaten or shot into the ground. Or threatened by a fusion cannon for the matter.

The red medic had heard countless of stories about the warlord's terrifying reign and lack of mercy amongst bots and ranks, but to sit in the ship and watch it happen gives away a whole new prescriptive. Now, it seemed his place here was almost frightening enough.

Knock Out took the chance to offline his optics for a bit, his servos resting on the lower bottom of his helm. The fluxes started from the first beating. The first time a particular Seeker was sent into the med bay other than battle wounds. He didn't expect Megatron to be so violent. Even lashing out at his officers if something does not go his way, carelessly brushing them apart. Like possessions.

The hiss of the doors opening shook Knock Out from his processor and turned to look at the arrival. Ah, Starscream. The notorious Second in Command, known sharply for overthrowing Megatron at every chance, egoistic as the red medic's own paint job. A stack of datapads in his arms, he dropped them on a separate table where it did not occupy tools or other necessities.

The Seeker pulled out the first datapad from the normal, tall stack and ignored Knock Out's prying optics. More like staring intently.

It has been like this since the silence has washed throughout the _Nemesis_. Starscream barging in, Knock Out wandering, muttering, musing with himself. The many days where the mechs onboard felt much more relaxed. Who cares knows what Megatron was doing! It was relieving to not feel the incoming fear and pressure in their processors every single nanokilk that ticked by.

Peace. It's rare to find such feeling on a warship containing a delusional leader.

It was already stressing enough to protect their mines. The Autobots were being much more annoying than usual, leaving Knock Out to handle and clean up after the troops, sometimes Starscream if he was ever gravely injured during battle. Though the last infiltration were a few deca-cycles ago. Breakdown grew more remorseful, so he would spend the rest of the afternoon trying to train the Vehicons. To become better, than what their original programming had already engrained them to do. Thus, it always left Knock Out to wander the _Nemesis_ alone, a little shadow pricking at his shoulder. The fluxes would rise in his processor, and he would reduce to a belittle state of thinking and forever pondering.

And then at last, the Autobot activity ceased and Megatron vanished somewhere within the ship.

It wasn't always like this. Knock Out knew that. His processor flitted back to when Starscream was brought once, twice, thrice in a single day, only a few joors apart. No life-threatening injuries but enough to cripple the Seeker, dragging himself to the medical bay before collapsing. Other times, a Vehicon would notice in the hallways, Soundwave would assist from a security check-up, or Knock Out found the mech passed out in his pool of energon.

It was a chore for the grounder to patch up Starscream and let him go before he was ready. Only to be brought back and another joor of welding, patching and polishing, with Breakdown by his side. Not that his assistant would notice something was wrong, but the former Wrecker would watch the medic unleash his fury and hopelessness on a poor berth. Or electrocuting something. Silence would settle. A sigh and the two would clean up the mess.

The tortuous cycle would begin again once the Autobots somehow found one of their mines and decided to involve their filthy selves to stop "all Decepticon activity". Knock Out scoffed at their statement, almost mocking them for their idiocy. They were only collecting energon! What harm comes from collecting? If they were somehow harming humans in the process of delivering fuel to their troops, it would be a good reason to involve their measly selves. The thought irked the red medic as he walked out of the med bay to collect his medical reports.

A tedious duty. He had to check through every patient, even the Vehicons, making sure all information were accurate and up to date. The medic could announce a drinking contest. There were a few risks to throwing parties. The last one ended with most of the troops in a hangover, sluggish movement and poor motor skills accompanying them for a couple of joors until their pounding processors faded away into a dull pain.

Another tap on a datapad. The medic was bored. He sat, flickering through his reports at ease, one servo resting on the bottom of his helm. Starscream and Knock Out had not exchanged words since the peace had begun. There was nothing to speak about besides basking in the much needed silence. Knock Out found himself missing the graveling voice and the stomps thundering past his quarters everyday. The conversations he and the Second in Command would exchange, the Seeker ranting about Megatron's sufferable ruling, earning Knock Out snarking back a response. Sometimes over raids, but never had it touched upon caring or sentiments.

Emotions expressing sympathy are considered weak and those who show such feelings are quickly disposed of. Running from his philosophy of being a freelance medic, Knock Out understood sympathy is what keeps most troops grounded. Even fleshlings. To dispose of such is asking to become less than one's being, like a created robot without emotion or spark.

Oh for Primus' sake, he's dwelling into his own thoughts! Again!

The red medic desperately needed to burn rubber; perhaps another round of street racing. But activating the ground bridge would only allow Soundwave to know. Poor Knock Out is so, utterly bored. He did not like to think, and he rather operate on an unfortunate mech at this moment. If he spoke, he risked his poor finish being dented with a datapad thrown at from Starscream–

Ragh!

Hm, an unplanned vacation would decree from the sullenness. Maybe Soundwave won't follow them. The Third in Command sure does show his ways.

The Seeker rose from his hunched position. He left the med bay, a thoughtful expression on his face before departing to refuel. Knock Out watched as the doors slid shut. Whatever Starscream had thought of now, it better not be a demented plan to overthrow Megatron and cause utter havoc on the ship.

A few kliks passed.

"Knock Out?" Starscream entered the med bay once more. Said named mech looked up from his fruitless gaze at the ceiling.

"Yes Starscream?" he answered. The look the seeker was giving him did not settle well with the red medic.

"We're going on a trip. Tell Breakdown we'll be back within a deca-cycle. Maybe a little bit longer." The red medic felt his jaw drop. "If Soundwave tries to interfere, all queries are heaped onto your assistant. If Megatron comes back from his absence while he sits in his quarters or travel from space, it is not my fault I left in the first place."

The grounder tried to protest. "But you decided to leave without informing–"

"Eup!"

And with the announcement, Starscream dragged the red medic out of the bay, a hiss of "Watch the paint!" and a hurried attempt to escape the warship. Datapads on the tables were left abandoned. The med bay was lonely once more, with no one to occupy a breathing essence.

The dock opened, afternoon trailing its glistening gaze on the two mechs. Their subspace was filled with their necessities, a stash of energon cubes, a few datapads from Starscream. Knock Out consisted of a few waxes put in small bottles, polishing rags, a few cubes of high grade and a hoard of regular. As well with a couple of medical tools incase any emergencies pop up.

The wind whistled in their audio receptors. It was freezing, of course they were. The warship was high up in the atmosphere. Knock Out slightly shivered. He preferred the ground much right now, not staring down at the never ending fall and crashing into dirt. Or the ocean. Eugh.

"So, any ideas of how to depart? I could jump down and you can drag me under." The medic suggested, turning to the Seeker. Starscream had already insisted of not using the groundbridge, due to Soundwave involved in everything and everywhere. The Seeker transformed into his alt mode, a sleek F-16 Falcon.

: _Get_ _on_.: Knock Out's comm link crackled to life, the hiss of static emerging to Starscream's voice.

"Oh hell to the Pits I am not!" The red medic crossed his arms. "I am not going to ride on you and cling onto you like some idiot, like the very fabric of my life counts on it!"

: _Knock Out, I_ _would_ _rather throw you into the ocean right now_ _and offline you_ _if you don't_ _get_ _on! Consider it joyriding. We will reach our destination in no time. Perhaps at least a joor...or less. This alt mode is very handy when it comes to speed. Much like your_ _speeds whilst street racing_ _._ :

Knowing it was pointless to argue about a very persuasive and deceptive way of using the groundbridge without letting Soundwave know, Knock Out climbed on, careful to wrap his arms and legs around the Seeker. Like hugging some 'Bot except it's hugging a transformed robot who thought it was a good idea to bring a grounder along. He pulled away from his pride, knowing he looked very stupid if someone were to look from higher above.

Starscream took off at incredible speed, the red medic almost letting out a very un-mech like yelp as they shot straight into the sky. He wrapped his arms tighter around presumed to be Starscream's chassis. Climbing higher and higher, before the SIC rested at a comfortable pressure where both would not be denting due to the lack of air. Eh, thinking of it the other way around, Knock Out already felt crushed. He'll get back at the Seeker later.

: _You can stop squeezing me to death, thank you._ : came the sarcastic voice from Starscream.

Knock Out turned on his comm link, tuning his frequency. : _Of course, I sure did risk my dignity to come along._ : He loosened his grip, but barely. :W _h_ _ere do you plan to bring us too?_ :

: _East coast. Somewhere in Massachusetts, overlooking plains and valleys._ :

: _Not popular tourist sites? New York? Vegas?_ :

: _I prefer places where the seasons change just_ _elegantly_ _._ :

Knock Out shut up, adjusting his hug-like position to look at his Second in Command. There was a hint of loss in his voice as the comm link filled of static, and eventually, silence.

It's cold.

Oh so cold.

: _I believe it is autumn at this time of yea_ _r_ _in the no_ _r_ _thern hemisphere_ _. Why not the tropics?_ :

Starscream did not reply. Not at least, for a few kliks.

: _Have you ever watched the seasons on Cybertron? No, of course there was none. Only acid rain to keep you company._ :

: _Why so bitter Starscream?_ :

: _And why do you care?_ :

Ouch. Knock Out pretended to pat his barely demented ego. : _I was only wondering why we would go to a place that_ _is_ _slowly changing seasons. And please remind me, that it will_ _only_ _get colder._ :

: _While I always_ _kick Megatron in the bucket_ _, a little vacation won't hurt us. Yes, maybe the Autobots would try to leave their place from the middle of nowhere and who knows what, Jasper, Nevada was it? It's too dry. There's no season every time I fly over there during patrol. Eugh. Prepare for a bumpy trip, I'm sensing a little turbulence._ :

Soon enough, the Aston Martin was clinging onto the Seeker more tightly than before. He was shaking from the wind, it was still terribly _freezing_. He rested his optics. Maybe a little shut down won't do so bad for a little bit…

* * *

"Kn..."

"..out."

"Knock Out! Wake up or I'll scratch your precious paint job!"

The red medic jolted from his position. He was sure he was just staring at the ocean, glistening and blue a few breems ago, feeling the airy clouds as he and Starscream descended.

He quickly looked around and realized he was on solid ground. Dusk fading, the sun sinking below the horizon. Trees casting a looming shadow, multiplying and combining into a large mass. In another direction, a field stretched on, with wilted flowers and beginning frosted grass. Anywhere else in the world he had once ground bridged, this area seemed to capture a sense of spark. Not too cold, too hot, no little season or nothing in between. An elegance of some sort. The sky bleached its yellow and orange across the smothered blue, fading and darkening to a dark. His finish casted a sharp gleam and a lens glare from afar.

Starscream was staring at him as Knock Out stood up, brushing off dust and dirt. His arms crossed, red optics gleaming and shadows puffering drastically. The sunlight leaving a sort of glow around the edges, catching the sharp edges for he was standing away from the beauty of the sky.

"You were recharging during the flight. I almost lost you a few times because you keep slipping." The Seeker sighed. "We could do a little sight-seeing or just sit down and recharge for the night. Preferably, I would wait so I can do a bit of catching up in astronomy."

Knock Out wanted to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Shuttering his optics, staring at the figure in front of him. Starscream was calm. A whole new sort of calm. He took a vacation with some sort of confidence and his sort of bitterness and harsh tone from standing up against Megatron and his scheming faded. And here, the red medic complained for a little get-away too. Not involving a certain Seeker.

How many times does he keep getting lost in his thoughts?

"Whichever you choose, _Herr Kommandant._ " The red medic replied, wrestling himself from his processor. Starscream let a small twitch of a smile forming on his face. Pulling out a datapad, the Seeker sat on the ground as twilight enveloped the sky. Knock Out continued to look around, somehow awed and drawn into the sight once more.

A few joors passed. Evening had settled. The two mechs had migrated to a different spot to settle for the night. Knock Out muttered about transforming into his alt mode to recharge peacefully. Starscream almost laughed; of course everyone knew about his concern over his paint job. To an obsessive point, but not where it would be ridiculous.

There was no plan for tomorrow. Both Seeker and Grounder would simply wander the realm, refueling and recharging, exploring and bickering. Losing themselves into peace and silence they _really_ do need. With Megatron's disappearance, it only served as a perfect opportunity to explore, or re-explore certain areas. For Starscream anyways.

As Knock Out settled into his alt mode, ready to recharge once more in the evening, his processor flickered over to his most recent night flux. It was the same frame he saw as always, the same scene over and over, blinking and flashing black and blue to white. He internally vented, watching as Starscream move about, murmuring of complex equations and typing on his datapad, a light blue glow lighting up shadows on his face.

Only then, did Knock Out wonder why he did come to Earth, other than fixing up Megatron and becoming the Decepticon's medic.


	2. Two

**Day Two – Over The City**

 _Through sentiments I was able to see  
You.  
And You, there standing so clearly._

Morning was just as silent to Knock Out's quiet awakening. The medic transformed into his bipedal mode, musing just as brightly as he pulled out an energon cube from his subspace. After emptying its contents, he pulled out a few other materials to polishing and waxing himself. It was still cold, the temperatures dropping far below in the evening than what the Aston Martin had expected. The usual temperature on the ship always remained...warm to some degree. Not the chill where it seeped into joints and other uncomfortable areas.

A groan startled Knock Out, almost leaving a wax streak on his shoulder plates. Starscream onlined his optics, looking up to the blue of the sky above. He sat up, blinking wearily as he plucked the datapad on the ground and subspaced it.

The red medic put away his materials too. "Spending a night in the cold under dead trees and what not." He was slightly bemused, but a tangent of annoyance crossed his features. "Where else to?"

Starscream did not hesitate to answer rather quickly, "I was thinking of Boston. It's going to be a little drive, but I think you'll manage. I've heard the people there are quite jovial this time of year."

"It's only September human month-wise, Starscream. Many of the fleshlings are shuffling up to the slow changes in the weather."

"Of course." Knock Out was about to transform into his alt mode once more, before an idea overtook his processor. "How about I ride on you for the day? Surfboarding, but air boarding like so."

Starscream looked startled at the thought. "What about your finish?" the Seeker remarked, almost sneering to touch upon the medic's ego. "Do you care if it gets scratched? Damaged? Ruined to no end—"

"There are only exceptions to test my own amusement. I have been somewhat of a shrewd daredevil back in the Golden Days." The grounder stated. "But if you somehow managed to make my life a misery while riding above the city, alerting military officials and the Autobots somehow managed track us all the way here, I will strip you of your armor and rearrange it to a hideous demented look. Do you understand?"

"Affirmative, Knock Out." The Seeker drawled, a smirk lighting up, teasing softly. He transformed into his alt mode. A crackle lit up over the comm links. : _Let's go._ :

Boom.

Went the processor itself.

 _Hell yeah._

Now the grounder understood why Seekers craved the skies and other ground-based modes changes to flight very quickly, if they ever experienced a near death situation. Free fall, watching the world flicker off and merge, everything blurring into dots and colors. The wind whistling was _thrilling_. Exciting even. But to choose, Knock Out would still prefer his alt mode. There was a certain shine to being a grounder he wasn't able to depict out.

Descending down from the clouds and careful to balance himself on top of Starscream's transformed mode (yet to not step on the cockpit either), he stood. Boston was just in sight of his peripheral vision. They had left rather early, and since morning was still clambering, they would only be boredom and to ensue.

: _Starscream, I suggest you land in a desolate area that does not attract so much attention to us._ :

The medic sensed the Seeker smirking. : _I do hold your warning of stripping your pride, but would it be amusing to race across and in between buildings, while wreaking havoc?_ :

The medic froze. : _Oh no._ :

: _Oh yes indeed, my dear Knock Out._ :

The grounder almost choked. His comm link crackled to life once more.

: _Hang on. And quit standing, you're quite flamboyant to human view. Maybe that's how they will be able to catch us more quickly because of your well chosen alt mode._ :

Knock Out did so, and went back into his hug-like position when he first left the Decepticon warship with Starscream. With a sigh, and shuttering his optics, he prepared for the chaos inflicted upon the poor city.

Once they were much closer and in view, Starscream nose-dived rapidly. The wind howled, the sight of the ocean flew right into their vision. A splash lit up the harbor's peaceful waters as the Seeker flew, barely skimming the surface, his wings creating a spray of droplets from behind. A sharp upturn towards the blue sky once more and he maneuvered his way between buildings and skyscrapers, almost contiguous to one another. A flurry of screeches from down below and wind whistling howled in both of their audio receptors, the red medic clinging onto for dear life.

He would have cowered once. Never taking up the opportunity, incredulous of everyone and everything around him.

Starscream never hesitated to slow down; their reflections on glass buildings glinted back at them. A blur and blob of colors, the Seeker climbed a bit in altitude, until it rested where they would not crash into other structures. A screech of tires and honking ensued from below. People began looking outside from inside the buildings, awed at the sight as they watched a fighter jet and a presumably clinging robot glide away effortlessly. A few kliks passed by and they arrived at a beach, nearing a desolate area. Knock Out hopped off, and Starscream transformed. Salty ocean, water rippling the sand, the waves splashing gently on the shore.

"This planet used to be covered in ice and water."

The medic shifted on the sandy ground, disliking how the particles curled up in his pedes. "How'd you know?"

"I've been here once. Many, many vorns ago, with an old friend a mentor of some sorts. He was everything I wasn't, everything I lacked. A mech I looked up to." Starscream said, his optics dimming.

"At one point, don't we all wished to be another mech? Some of us _don't_."

"But you didn't lose someone, did you? Not everyone stays by your side forever."

Knock Out opened his mouth to speak, but closed it.

Starscream strode over, sitting down on the rocky shore and watching the water wash over his high-heeled pedes. Wings shivering, remaining low on his back. Knock Out followed in pursuit, cursing every intelligible word about how it will take joors to get all the sand out once they get back. He broke the silence.

"Maybe I didn't. Maybe I had. Maybe I lost someone so significant, this rigid husk is what only represents of me." Knock Out felt the salty liquid washing over his pedes. "But...I do fear for Breakdown. Like you, Starscream, he represented a mech I somehow looked up to. He may be a bit unusual and paranoid, but there's a sort of defiance."

"Touching." Starscream said, looking at Knock Out.

"Who was this friend, you spoke of?" the red medic asked. He shifted back a bit, this time not letting the water get into his pedes. The water brushed against the rock and pulled back, out into the ocean.

The Seeker sighed. "I rather not say. Whatever he retained, wherever he is now, too much time has been lost to retrieve anything."

He seemed unfazed.

"I heard you dislike the cold."

"Me, liking or disliking frigid weather is nothing you should be prying your servos in."

"So? All I know is you being a traitorous Second in Command, trying to assassinate Megatron and becoming a hilarious tyrant yourself."

Starscream clenched his digits angrily, shaking. His features suddenly relaxed, if finally, something had overcame him in exhaustion. "You don't get it, don't you?" he murmured quietly.

Knock Out blinked in surprise. "What am I supposed to understand, Starscream? Help me, if you dare so."

"But you don't." The Seeker stood up, briskly walking away from the medic. Confusion etched in Knock Out's face, shock, switching to determination as he stood up, catching up to the Seeker.

"Hey hey hey, wait up! You can't leave me here–"

"Knock Out."

The crisp tone froze the red medic.

"How long have you been actively in the war to comprehend what has happened to us? We're already _dead_ Knock Out. _Dead_. D-e-a-d. I was pathetic to believe this war would end so soon."

Knock Out stared back, his optics hardening. "So you're saying I was unable to feel pain too? Sadness? Grief? You don't see what happens to others because you're so delusional, you forget everyone else exists except yourself."

Once, the Seeker would have curled his digits until it was shaking and his optics would be smoking with fury. Once, he would have pulled out his blasters and shot the poor mech right then and there, not caring if the mech was a viable medic. Or an Autobot or Decepticon.

Once, he would have murdered somebody who hooked so delicately onto his escaping emotions. Would have started a fiery argument, guilt-tripping and sinking to his cowardly level.

Once.

But now he is not. There are no boundaries today.

"You're right."

The medic was floored once more, surprise giving an elegant smack to his helm.

Starscream laughed. A genuine laugh. Not the evil cackle, or the I-will-become-leader-of-the-Decepticons laugh. A laugh the Second in Command never thought some other mech would hear to this light of day. "I would have shot you right here and then. But it seems something has overcome my anger and frustrations since leaving the _Nemesis_. That ship is incredibly toxic. I wonder how Soundwave manages to keep up with everything else from the gracious Megatron."

He said nothing more, looking out at the horizon if the sea spray would speak to him. An answer for all the calmness he resided, the anger mysteriously vanishing if on impulse.

Knock Out was either deadpanning or at a loss for words. Starscream? Uncharacteristically sentimental, managing to keep his ever famous flurry of emotions and anger and pride into check, and laughing so calmly that doesn't resemble an evil cackle or a maniacal twisted face? His processor almost crashed as he rebooted his optics, his audial receptors, and then his processor to make sure what he was hearing, and seeing, and remembering was accurate.

He chuckled and looked at the horizon too, resting most of his weight on one leg. Arms crossed over his chassis, facing the forever blue horizon whispering of elegant notes. It was so. Well, what's the word again?

He couldn't remember.

Knock Out shook his head, wondering why his memories and stored away data banks had become chipped and eaten away.

It drifted toward previous fluxes before. Knock Out thankfully is not known for being an insomniac but they were enough to startle him awake, think, and fall into recharge restlessly. They were always directed toward _him_. That mech. What fear would it take, to watch the string break as _he_ fell off? The platonic of friendship crushed due to grief and numbness.

"You were there." He started, carefully examining his digits from his now un-crossed arms. There were still sharp, nothing interesting to look at.

"I was where, what now?" Starscream asked. He still did not tear his gaze away from the sea.

"You might think this is crazy," Knock Out chuckled. "You're in my head. At night, I would see you, from corrupted memory banks and you would always scold me, and I will always scold you right back."

The Seeker looked at the red medic if he was nuts. His optics flickered from curiosity, reboots, opening and closing his mouth in a some sort of balk like phase. His gaze narrowed in suspicion.

"What is it about me, that you see me...in your processor?"

"Oh, I don't know," Knock Out shrugged nonchalantly, unfazed at the Seeker's reaction. "Don't know what's special about you, what's bothering me. Thought I would share it."

Starscream shifted a bit uncomfortably, his wings twitching anxiously.

"You didn't answer the question, Knock Out."

The red medic turned away. The soft smile he offered was wan. Dimming in light and underneath the sun star. "You're too supercilious Starscream. Do you think I will spill all my secrets in this day?" He smirked.

"Ha ha. Very funny." The Seeker snorted.

"I can offer you a few...moments."

It caught Starscream's attention immediately.

"Sometimes, I would see you, speaking of delicate elegance..."

" _I hate saying 'Goodbye'. It's just another sentimental phrase, whether fathoming the mech you said to is going to survive or not."_

 _The Seeker was pacing back and forth in the white emptiness of nihility. No lights except for glitched-out black panels, floating upwards toward the sky. An invisible glass ground glinted and vibrated underneath the Seeker's pedes. Knock Out blinked, rubbing away the fuzziness and sudden brightness mercilessly attacking his optics._

 _The red medic realized it was a past and personal conversation just a few orns earlier. He was pretty sure he stowed it away deep in his memory banks, hoping to never remind himself of it again. The orn was a rough one; just a few joors earlier one of their mines were attacked by Autobots because of the Decepticon's "obnoxious" activity roaring over their scanners. It was annoying to repair the injured and scraping away in dull repetitive actions at the deceased._

" _Are you even listening?" Starscream snapped his digits in front of Knock Out. The medic barely flinched, venting softly at the impatient Second in Command._

" _Affirmative."_

 _The gray Seeker straightened himself out. The whiteness of the world shifted and blurred away to a painted black. Panels of dark color shone into white and the glass melted to white, glowing sheets, sometimes yellow and a smudge of light red. The lights refused to show anything. A blank slate representing forgotten and blocked out memories, repressed so long in Knock Out's processor, he did not dare to bring them out._

" _Knock Out I know that look when you are not listening," Starscream started, looking irritated._

" _I apologize," the red medic replied, his charm and grace seeping through. "What is it about this 'goodbye' you spoke of?"_

 _Red optics gleamed brightly in the darkness. Glowing on his pale silvery face, even. "I hate that word. Someday, the dead and the living will see each other again. It is not necessary so, to speak of sorrowful words," The Seeker scoffed. "Too many times it has been said, and I don't ever see anyone anymore. Is this what I deserve? A life, living, using a completely useless voice, failing to keep my words as I depart from the scene?"_

 _His gaze seemed to dim, looking lost. "The feeling where you look at the younger generation and hope they don't grow up like you. One where they should cherish their innocence and themselves, hoping to never bear the sins or see Cybertron at its terrible state as it is now. It's sad how much of that dead husk of a planet is never able to regenerate new life ever again."_

 _Knock Out chuckled. "You speak as if someone crawled up your tailpipe and died."_

 _Harsh reassurance, he knows. But the words forced its way through, unable to stop as he spilled it out of his glossa._

" _Maybe you did." Starscream replied._

" _I don't know."_

 _Two mechs stare at each other. The red medic picked out this isn't where the conversation heeded itself. It fell in reality, among the more cruel lines of death and nihility, ranting about war, Megatron, the lack of meaning when it came to terms of ah...well. Not younger generations and innocence._

" _I'm hurt," The Seeker cackled, feigning in a mock, wounded voice. "But I would always say this: You will never understand. You never will. Not until you make a promise and they wander away from you forever or they leave you. Then, you will understand you will continue to live alone, and die alone."_

 _Knock Out believed it is another conversation when Starscream spilled some bits and pieces about himself whilst he was in a sentimental mood. The Seeker was less complacent that day and much more languid. Conversations and words blurred together in the landscape._

" _I never understood many things, Starscream," He looked up, down, then back at the Seeker. "I don't know who you are, but you aren't the real Starscream. Get out of my head."_

 _Get out of my head._

" _No. You put this on yourself."_

 _Knock Out balked. "What did I do?!"_

 _He laughed. An eerie one. "Whoever grew attached to me, this string goes." He lifted his wrist. A yellow string, tied with a pretty, thin bow, just like his thin wrist and his thin digits. It wrapped itself loosely around his wrist, and the string descended down toward nowhere, almost vanishing and disappearing. "You can't see yours yet. I'm just a mere..."_

 _The landscape shook. In a fiery inferno, the black melted away and was replaced with a silhouette gradient of blue. Panels of light flickered and disappeared. A tree, blooming of green leaves began to materialize, as well with a hill. The two mechs looked pitiful against the massive trunk. Its roots snaked into the ground, jutting out at certain points, so much more powerful than a Cybertronian tree. If there were any metal ligaments leftover or existed. Grass peppered alongside the ground. Clouds floated heavenly, mere cotton candy rolls and thin wisps streaked in the higher atmosphere. The sun was nowhere to be seen. It was simply an autumn day._

" _Many leaves. Bringing a sort of melancholia to me." Starscream spoke. As if on cue, the green leaves began to fade in color. Out came a beautiful colorful trickle of bright red, orange, and a dull, golden yellow. Knock Out's mind seemed to take a breath of its own._

" _A palette full of you." the medic snickered._

 _Starscream grumbled something incomprehensible about melodrama._

" _Why are you here?" Knock Out finally asked, looking at the Seeker as they sat on the ground._

" _I came because you made me up. I probably don't, act like this. Err, somewhere out here, but I do exist here." Starscream fiddled with his digits._

" _But what do I do with the real Starscream?" Knock Out groaned._

" _...eh. Forget it."_

" _Forget what? You don't simply shove that in my face and expect me to know."_

" _Forget about me here!" The Seeker chirped, a bright smile matching his too bright optics._

" _Why would I forget about you here?"_

" _Because I don't exist. I don't exist like this here. You made me up. I am a figment of your imagination. What and how you expect me to be, intertwining from all the memories you retained of the real Starscream. I'm not this jumble of a mess, am I?"_

 _It was moving way too quickly for Knock Out's liking. First, the Seeker was tender. Then sad. And now this bubbly affectionate of a nutcase._

" _So now you're pointing out I'm delusional."_

 _The Seeker seemed evasive to the medic's statement._

" _The temperature isn't just right yet. It's not cold enough, but Earth is slowly beginning to rotate away from the sun as it journeys around the revolution. The North Pole is pointed away from the star and the South Pole is pointed toward it. Based on that the Earth is rotating at a twenty three point five angle on its axis." The Seeker babbled._

" _I don't think I need to know that."_

" _The more you know."_

" _Stop. Starscream. Please. Just stop."_

" _Nope."_

" _But. I. You don't. I. Starscream. Primus." The red medic moaned as his processor threatened to collapse on itself._

 _The Seeker chuckled, patting Knock Out on the shoulder._

" _Watch the paint, you idiot."_

 _Starscream just beamed. The wind rustled, the leaves chirruped, and the world continued to go round._

But of course, Knock Out told the real Starscream in the real world, while the ocean roared in their audio receptors, none of that. It was too ridiculous, and he feared it would cost the Seeker's trust and being labelled as another nut job.

The grounder only told the Second in Command an intimation of their past conversations of nostalgia. And that was it. The two mechs gazed at each other, before Knock Out grumbled about checking out the inner parts of Boston. Starscream replied about going away from a bit and traveling over the state of Massachusetts before swinging back in Boston. In hopes he would not catch the intention over at Logan International Airport. Or any other international satellite.

Oh well, what's the fun without causing a military panic and alerts communicated to other countries, and the Autobots right onto their tailpipes? Then, later revealing a very pissed off Megatron and Soundwave silently judging their stupidity and actions for escaping the _Nemesis_ at a peaceful time.

Sometimes, even Breakdown thinks his partner is just as idiotic and cowardly like Starscream. Yet, the former Wrecker never spoke it once or out loud, simply only shaking his head as the two fussed over anything stupid. He only held the precious and closer times the medic and himself held. What did Breakdown know? He's ever content and elegant to his own motives and ways.

* * *

If Knock Out had ever mentioned about other cities and his travels while drag racing, he didn't mention that Boston is somehow cramped. Yes, it is filthy in some areas. His processor overtook his introspective revelations. Even in the dirty areas, there was life. Human life. Oh, Knock Out isn't so fond of the fleshlings looking at him as he obeyed the traffic laws of the state.

The red medic had picked up a few minutes ago that Massachusetts has very impatient and angry drivers. Ouch. A human gesture of the middle finger was thrown his way as the vehicle flew past the Aston Martin with an angry honk, almost stopping to double check his eyesight in making sure that was it not a European model driving through the streets of Boston.

Whoever owned that car was filthy rich. But they were stupid enough not to understand it was an alien, a Cybertronian, a robot in disguise.

The streets are traffic-jammed at this certain time of the day. Afternoon had fallen, the sun sinking much earlier than it was during the summer. Street racing at the moment would prove dangerous because Knock Out would kill pedestrians, cause an even larger traffic jam, and have the human police chasing right behind him.

The red medic spent the rest of the joors fading into the evening cruising around Boston. Swinging back to the harbor, the humans began to swell in size, in company, friends and family. They were chattering about their day, shopping, business and stress all leaving them as they laughed and smiled in joy.

A flicker of nostalgia crossed in Knock Out's processor, but he was quick to quash the feeling. Some old day about chatting with old friends and watching the same scene he is here. He drove on, exploring other places and artifacts of the city. Yes, it is old. Nothing much has changed.

The vintage of the city reminded the grounder much of the same busy days mechs would spend walking, talking, laughing and enjoying each other.

How sad.

With afternoon fading, evening grew. Thousands of lights began to split the sky, covering the twilight covered-bit stars, as each building light its path in harmony. Under the lights, like under the estrellas and fireworks blooming as it exploded in the sky. The city atmosphere left a humming, soft glow, a blur of yellows, blues, and reds from the vehicles swelling with the already white lights. The humans grew more excited, more melodramatic as laughter and flirt rose in the air.

Knock Out drove into an alley, transforming so and waited for Starscream to pick him up receiving a comm. about a breem earlier.

Silence.

The scream of thrusters burst the still atmosphere as a familiar Seeker transformed, touching down as he made himself as thin as possible to slip in the cramped street. Without a warning, Starscream threw the surprised medic in the air, transforming again with a scream to "Hold on!" and he shot into the sky, scorching the streets and nearby brick buildings. Knock Out almost lost his grip on the Seeker as his servos flailed to cling and hold onto a body, wings.

The grounder said nothing as they both hazily floated in the clouds, the reflection of lights gleaming and glinting on their bodies. Then, he started.

"You could have killed me!"

Starscream snorted. "You stated to me earlier you were a 'shrewd daredevil' back on the days of when Cybertron is still alive. Do you reconsider it now?"

"No," the medic sputtered, his collected calm threatening to buckle underneath the ever growing paranoia and the urge to seriously rearrange the Seeker into spare parts.

"Come on up, I'm going to land at that...pretty nice building over there."

A few kliks later, Knock Out was launched into the air, _again_ and Starscream gracefully caught the sports car as the Seeker landed with delicate fragility. No, not bridal style, but by the arm. Good choice. His paint he barely noticed all day might be chipped. Frag that.

A cube of high grade was palmed out and Starscream was chattering away about many old past recollections. Incoherent or coherent, Knock Out followed along, nodding his helm and chittering in his own thoughts and personal statements.

Autumn, autumn, autumn, leaves falling, dying, decaying, fluttering and still dying.

"We're all too old. Too old to watch a war that has been going on for so long. And I've been there to assist every part and way." Starscream chuckled. The lights of the city chirruped below. Their legs swinging over the edge, listening to the vehicles of Earth beeping their way out of traffic. Soft chatter floated to their hearing, but it was not enough to drown the steady cold breeze.

"And it would be many vorns before you invited me on your Decepticon warship. I thought you were feigning whatnot. But it seemed the war had decided to spread on this old planet of yours. Truth to be told? I was a mere freelance medic, only helping by pulling away husks from battlefields once both factions left. Not the most pleasant task to do, but whatever gives for credits since the system is already crumbling anyways."

"Have I ever told you rumors about Soundwave's age? Presumably, it was Bumblebee to be the youngest, but we all know our ever intelligent Communications Officer is probably much more handsome and even younger under that visor. He is talented and considered valuable to others."

"A prodigy! Jee. I have a feeling Soundwave is the same mech who is famous for playing and plucking a cello when he was less than a vorn old."

"There are many rumors surrounding our Third in Command, in which he has yet to confirm. Though I do believe, Megatron has heaped a great amount of trust in _him_." Starscream shook his helm.

"Trust eh?" Knock Out mused thoughtfully. He took a sip from his energon cube, watching the liquid swirl and disappear inside him. He prepared for Starscream's rant about himself having to be placed with the most trustworthy. Everything just gets weirder does it not?

Starscream smiled just lightly. The high grade tonight seemed to tone down his irrational thinking more than it should, unlike the other times where he would not be able to speak or process anything, hanging around other mechs and droopily trying to get back to his quarters.

"You're..." Knock Out thought for a bit. He shook his head, dismissing the train of thought immediately.

"I'm what?"

"Nothing, Starscream. Nothing."

The Seeker did not push further.

Another orn had gone and passed by.

The two mechs moved away from the edge of the building and fell into recharge. At the edge of Knock Out's peripheral vision, just before he shuttered his optics, he saw a faint, ghostly figure tip himself off, embracing the gravity with open arms.


	3. Three

**Day 3: What Goes?**

 _Autumn [noun] – the third season of the Earth year, where crops and fruits are gathered and leaves fall; in the Northern Hemisphere from September to November and in the Southern Hemisphere from March to May_

"I hate you all!" Starscream snarled, yelping as he was almost burnt by a stray laser shot.

Knock Out was too calm. His processor was screaming and he in no ail chose to forward with his irrational actions.

They are all royally screwed over to the Pits and back with Megatron chasing at their heels.

How did Knock Out put this into words? Chaos and explosions. The wonderful sound of lasers flying everywhere welcomed in their audial receptors. Soundwave better be chuckling somewhere at this sight.

Primus-forbid, their enemies were too quiet for too long and they just chose to show up to intercept their nicely and well deserved rest.

Knock Out had been watching Starscream's signal on his dashboard while paying attention to the horrible, rocky trail in front of him. It just had to be they were near an energon source. And then the Autobots showed up. Guns and blasters blazing, an order to stand down, and holy freaking Optimus Prime in all his glory and badass-ness of stoic and _calm_ , did Knock Out mention calm? Yes yes, he did and they were all barreling away just to avoid everything that was set to burn them to the ground.

Damn did the grounder feel he was on a roll today. He knew his weapons weren't assorted for long or medium range, they were only best for close combat. But he drew them out to defend himself. Starscream on the other servo, was locked and gunning away with his red and black blasters, jumping, screaming profanities and many colorful words that should never be repeated.

* * *

The two mechs landed in the open fields of Canada. Knock Out jumped off and trudged away from the Seeker, clearing out his optics and his processor. Forests stretched on for another couple of miles in the distance. It was empty and grass were clipped with frost where they were standing on. A light coating of snow covered certain patches and areas. The sky was gray and heavily lingered of clouds.

"It's freezing here." Starscream remarked drily, shivering in response as he felt the first ice-tipped winds of the higher northern hemisphere breezing through his wings.

"If you knew it was this cold that your frame would not be able to handle it, then you would not have chosen this place in the beginning," Knock Out replied. The snow felt weird underneath his pedes.

The Seeker rolled his optics. "The things I do to get out here, to show you places where you will never go without someone dragging you on their aft."

The red medic continued to move about, his pedes leaving large footprints in the snow.

"Do you like it here?" Starscream asked tentatively.

"I'm not sure. This white substance is...interesting. I feel as if everything is clinging onto me."

"It is an adjustment to get used to."

Knock Out kicked at the snow. Starscream had stopped trying to shiver by now.

"I don't think there is anything to do here." the medic commented. The last two days were...intriguing to say the least.

"Sit down," the Seeker replied. "We aren't going anywhere for a while. We still have enough supplies to keep going for the next couple of orns."

Said medic obeyed, pouting and arms crossed. It's fragging cold.

Now if Knock Out were to look back on this day, he wouldn't remember much of it. They weren't hung over from last evening, they only drank enough just to be tipsy. But the only thing that was brought forward was how calm Starscream was. He was so calm. He was laughing. And so, in many vorns, he looked truly relaxed and was worth bringing forward for who he was.

A traitorous Second in Command is only a label.

Knock Out read too much of the human's opinions and their thought of beliefs in his free time. But he still did not understand for what he wanted to know Starscream as. His dreams and reality were blending too much in tune.

Nods fell into awkward exchanges of conversation, rambling on and on about the past. Every "wise" human of this earth, every "wise" mech of the fallen Cybertron would say, "Don't dwell in the past and learn from your mistakes."

It's what Knock Out brought up when silence hung over more of their un-exchanged words. He forget he was sitting in the snow for over a few joors, and Starscream had remembered he shouldn't be so loose and comfortable. His wings were snapped back up to its tense state.

The Seeker was silent. His optics downcast, his mouth struggling to form words.

"I try not to dwell in them too often. Those memories."

Relatable. Knock Out isn't sure if he did remember anything significant. Oh, they're getting all touchy and sentimental again. And Decepticons don't do feelings. It was a repetitive motto he heard from many others.

"It was the Autobots who printed us as heartless and cold." The medic said aloud. A mistake on his part. Starscream arched an optic ridge. "Decepticons. Deception. You know what I mean."

"It isn't Megatron's fault either," The Seeker spoke quietly. "War does wonders to us mechs. I don't blame him for how he is right now."

Knock Out felt pity.

"You see this?" Starscream looked around and picked up two rocks, "This is how most of our decisions guide us. Just two choices in the most urgent of situations. Run or defend. Most of our processors work that way. But when we reflect back on our past actions, it becomes a gray area." The Seeker crushed the objects. It fell from his servos, crumbling, broken to even smaller chunks.

"We continue to have regrets. We continue to define what is right, and what is wrong. But there is no morale to what is right or wrong. Only one who holds virtue to the highest stand point may be able to decipher what is morally correct. But even the mech who believes he knows all the universe's answers may be wrong too."

"Then the best is to continue to move forward and live with those actions," The medic winced painfully as he spoke those words, "It is only the best one can do. The past does define our character and our personality, our greatest achievements and the worst of ourselves. But dwelling in them–"

"Often leads to self-loathing and hatred," The Seeker interposed. "We are never truly free from the sins we have committed. Even the most pure of forms will have suffered and regretted their actions and their existence. I've made many mistakes Knock Out. I don't believe any sort of peace will come to me anytime soon."

The sports car felt like a sparkling. Chided and explained from someone more experienced than himself. "I believe peace will come to you. Some orn."

Starscream snorted, "Even coming this far into the war and becoming a medic for us Decepticons, your life has already gone awry."

"I don't know what I'm doing here," Knock Out snapped, "I'm a simple medic who cares more about his cosmetic appearance than anything else."

"Most of us would kill to have simple lives like you. Even if our race does tend to live long."

The car former rolled his optics, letting his servos rest on the bottom of his helm, "My life is boring. There is nothing interesting to depict from except going to bars in the off-cycle and partying the life away while still attending my studies as a medic. Who would kill me to get that sort of life?"

Starscream chuckled, "You're a terrible doctor."

Emphasize terrible.

"I wasn't when I wasn't ill-fated for another morning of another orn," the medic replied.

The Seeker sighed, "You're a good mech. Maybe other mechs out there don't see that, but I do. You were brought here, because it was urgent. If Megatron had fallen, the Decepticon cause would be lost to some extent."

A pause. A horrible, horrible pause. Knock Out said the first thing his processor thought of before the rest of his self caught up and registered what it was:

"Does Megatron write poetry?"

Both stiffened. Then they fell over, laughing. Megatron writing poetry?! The idea sounded absurd and insane, but having produced such motivational speeches, the warlord must have excelled in the literature somehow.

They were now standing up, with Starscream urging he wanted to show Knock Out a desolate area. A cavern filled with shards. A lake pooled of clear-crystal like energon, lighting up the darkness and glowing on the sharp jagged edges of rock. Transforming and going up on a trail, the car former was being much more careful and wary about the roads he was currently climbing over.

Starscream muttered something over the comm. link about detecting a new life frequency, before he abruptly cut off.

"Decepticons, stand down!" A voice boomed over the crackling, green vortex that laid in front of them. A few bots surged out of the portal, weapons charged and ready.

The next few minutes were blurred. There was the sound of gears shifting and turning, defense systems turned on, flashes of colors here and there. Over the deafness in his audio receptors he faintly heard Starscream shouting in the distance.

Knock Out was too calm.

Optimus Prime began to fill his vision, blurring from the background and into the surroundings around. All standing in his wavering glory and determination. A grunt came from the femme as she locked herself in battle with the unfortunate Seeker. The medic distinctly remembered scratching someone with his saw as they reeled back in shock and pain.

"I hate you all!" Starscream shouted over the roar of chaos. The whole ground they once stood was scorched. Knock Out found the next thing he would come to saving himself and Starscream. He was jumping, leaping gracefully over the grounds and the dirt, dodging the lasers that flew past him. His weapons changed back into servos.

Blue flames lit up the area as everything of the scenery blew up in flames around him. Knock Out was beginning to remember, flashbacks of his home burning and the star continued to beat its merciful heat on the metal ground. He shivered.

 _"Most of us would kill to have a simple lives like you."_

No. Knock Out didn't want to remember. His memories were repressed and were locked up with the key thrown away.

In the heat of the moment, he would begin to remember. It was always the same story he read over and over again. The spur of when everything reached its climax, when knowing you're going to die in bravery or in fear. Looking up at the sky believing you still had fallen in love with someone or had sacrificed your life for your family.

He didn't want to remember as his thoughts screamed to run away from the scene and leave Starscream behind.

Perhaps the past few days proved him wrong about the Seeker after all.

Optics locked, as the medic dragged Starscream from engaging any further with the other Autobots. They were running as he tore through the forest, up the trail. "Starscream," he asked, vents struggling to take in air. "Are you alright?"

The Seeker seemed evasive to his question as he fumbled for words.

A laser hit Knock Out's servo. He let go, wincing at the tremble of pain and electricity traveling up in his circuits. Starscream was shouting again; the medic forced himself to look back as dust and smoke clouded his vision. It flickered and darted, scanning for a gray figure.

More shouts and incoherent words came from the Autobots. Knock Out kept running, feeling a servo clasp on his own, murmuring it was fine. He sprinted, his processor believing it was Starscream clinging to him, as he was dragged up and into a dark cavern.

More blaster shots hit the opening above. A groan and an echo came from the rocks as they were dislodged and bounced onto the ground, shattering and slowly filling up the entrance. Knock Out looked around, frantic to see if Starscream was there with him, still holding his servo. But the Seeker wasn't. He wasn't there. In a flurry of panic, the medic looked at the entrance as it began to cover the daylight and the clouds. He struggled to go back outside, to find Starscream.

Hum of a song sang in his audio receptors.

His helm hurt as he fell, collapsing, seeing the daylight fade from his view.


	4. Four

**Day 4: Solitary and Star**

Swimming. He felt like swimming. Knock Out coughed, clearing his vents and onlined his optics. He tried to stand up but banged his helm against something rocky and hard.

Oh.

That's what happened.

After being chased into the caverns, or rather, dragging he and Starscream into the caverns, a couple of accidental "shots" and "explosions" buried them underneath the cavern and blocking their only entrance. No, they must have been separated during the fight. Location? Canada. What's a Seeker to do in confined spaces? Shoot up everything and cause them to be more buried in a deep pile of rubble. Or so, what everyone says.

The medic tried to contact Starscream but all he received was static.

Communications were jammed and the medic was unable to access any sort of life signal down in the Earth. Except for a faded blinking dot, quickly vanishing altogether.

Primus. If Knock Out did not find the Air Commander soon and return empty-handed to the _Nemesis_ , he will have a whole lot of slag thrown at him. The worst, possible punishment would be solitary confinement or thrown off the warship at a terrifying height. Knock Out stooped to a lower position, shaking his helm. He performed a light scan over himself internally for any injuries. His HUD reported there was none except for none than less ruptures. Place a tick about a stinging servo.

The whole cavern was shrouded in darkness. He turned on his headlights and looked around. So the front entrance was blocked. He wasn't exactly buried in rubble as he could still stand, and must be knocked out instead from a rather large rock. That would leave an unpleasant dent for orns to come until he is able to fix it.

Two steps into the cavern and there was more rock. The medic wandered around for a bit. This was certainly an uncomfortable situation to be in. Knock Out only carried a few skills of scouting that were required while training as a medic. It was usually with another mech that accompanied him, assisting and training to find victims trapped in debris. But now, the car former is alone.

It unsettled him.

How he really wished for someone to assist him right now.

Primus knew what was going when his vision faded and booted back online again. Starscream slowly came into view as Knock Out onlined his optics. The Seeker's wings were trembling, his intakes taking sharp, soft breaths. The gray Seeker darted around for a bit. Finally, he turned to look at Knock Out. The red medic almost groaned. It was the same Starscream who had been showing up in his fluxes before. The Seeker's wrist tied with a yellow string had stretched out the last time he had seen it, the ends of the thread threatening to wrap itself around Knock Out's wrist.

"Ha ha. You're back," His helm pounded and he wished to eradicate the horrible pain.

"What do you mean I'm back?" The Seeker asked too innocently.

"First off, I had this weird presumed human LSD session with you. Or as you say, a 'figment of my imagination due to my cracked memories and how I wanted you to be'. Next, I banged my helm up real good and I'm trying to find my way out of here, and you, of all mech had to show up."

Dream Starscream looked downcast, his stupid face radiating a kicked-puppy like sorrow. Knock Out made sure when he got back to the _Nemesis_ , he will perform a full scan on himself.

"You act way too lively around me," The transparent Seeker chirped, "Around the real Starscream, you act more nodding and sarcastic. Why is that?"

Introspective sh–he meant–crap. Surely all those questions and observations he had reflected suddenly shot to the surface? Knock Out grumbled, pushing past Dream Starscream and moved forward. Down more twisting paths, careful of rubble and traps that will sink him further into the Earth. The Seeker followed him, tugging at the yellow string.

"I think I know the way out." Dream Starscream continued as he noticed Knock Out growing irritated. They had met another dead end and was backtracking to another area.

"You don't."

"Follow the light over there."

Indeed there was a glowing aura from a tunnel afar.

A distant tugging pulled at Knock Out, and he moved forward.

" _I think this is the place I wanted to show you, right?_ "

"So that's why the Autobots attacked," mused Knock Out. Indeed, he and the real Starscream were too nearby an energon source. An undiscovered one to be exact.

Upon entering, the whole space lit up in a dazzle of softly laid gradient. A large lake of clear-crystal energon, sharply contrasting the multi-colored shards jutting out from the cavern's ceiling above. A sprinkle of stars from space itself, had made its home and reflective beauty in a widely vast space.

"Can I call you Star?" The medic asked suddenly, looking at the transparent Seeker floating happily over the lake. He was growing a little tired of spending too many words to differentiate between reality and his...illusions.

"Of course!" said weird, illusionist Seeker replied.

Knock Out began to clean himself up, careful to repair any ruptured lines and tended to his still tingling servo. Star watched quietly. He tugged at the yellow string again and watched it curve and find its way toward the medic's wrist, tying a neat bow. Pretty. The transparent Seeker smiled contently and he went back to floating lazily, continuing from where he left off at counting the shards.

The red medic stood up, ready to stride out of the area to continue looking for Starscream. He didn't have time to sit down and think.

Star frowned at his actions. The real Starscream said he cared a lot about this place. But it seemed Knock Out isn't treasuring the Seeker's small sentiment. The moment flitted in the medic's mind once more, but disappeared completely.

Silence was their only company, supported with footsteps echoing in the caverns as both mechs continued to look.

The chronometer ticked away from kliks, to breems, and joors. Knock Out had no idea where he was going at current moment, feeling more lost than ever. He wished he was near the surface, away from the dusty cramped spaces. Breaks were only taken to refuel before treading onwards.

"I'm done," the medic sighed after what time passed felt like an eternity. He sat down, dragging his servos down his face. He was tired. What little scouting skills he had put in clearly had not worked in his current situation.

"You give up? Not going to find the real Starscream?" Star questioned, floating next to him, "You just need a little push. I believe he's around here somewhere."

"You honestly think I'm going to waste another joor of my life trying to find that idiot? If that blasted mech hadn't shot at me and separated us..." the medic trailed off, glancing at the ground. His headlights were beginning to hurt his optics. He tuned down the sensitivity and let only a small area to light up.

"Megatron isn't going to be happy if you return in this condition," the transparent Seeker gestured at the sports car.

Knock Out pretended not to hear. Just a little rest, in his own little world. That's all he needed right now.

"They're scratches on these rocks. There's also a small trail of energon I'm finding here." Star tried again, urgency in his voice.

"Look dream Seeker," Knock Out started, "I'm trying you know. I just need a little break. This isn't how I want this to go at all. You need to...chill."

The first wave of exhaustion clouded his thoughts.

"I've tried really hard. I didn't get where I wanted. I spent most of my life chasing after something, somemech, someone who didn't exist, you know? It's pathetic. Then Starscream showed up. Oh goodie, a cause that I'm beginning to not follow with whatever that is and still supporting it regardless so I can fix up his damn leader. All hostile, preppy, stuck-up and annoying to being caring and sentimental about many things. What does that Seeker want me to understand? I fix him every time. Trapped in a never ending cycle of bloody abuse. I'm realizing...slowly. Bit by bit.

"I don't know what to do. I've had...really horrible fluxes. It always ended with Starscream..." Knock Out shuddered, rapidly blinking his optics, "He isn't my friend, yet he acts like one. He's, trying to form some kind of friendship out of desperation. It's really sad to be honest."

Star looked up and down at the medic, "Maybe he's lonely. He's a sad, lonely mech who has trust issue to put bluntly. I'm the more happier version of real Starscream, if that's what you want me to be. The closer you get to me though..."

"I'm everything you imagined me to be," the medic laughed, offlining his optics, "and with each and every joor at the current moment of interacting to you, I'll only grow to learn more about the real Starscream. What's with that funny bit about the yellow string? I already noticed."

"The color of yellow between two mechs is strong. Especially in the spark," Star smiled, drooping into a sad melancholy, "You care a lot about him, even if you don't express it very well. Your purpose may be nihlity, but it's there. Treasure your friends, Knock Out. Someday, they aren't going to be there anymore."

The medic chuckled, "Dark aren't we getting here? I don't understand Starscream as a _friend_."

"Drop that Knock Out."

"I don't want to. It's the only way where I'll feel...normal."

Star fell silent. Knock Out opened his mouth to speak again.

"He liked autumn leaves. He told me about it when we were still on the _Nemesis_. Everything dyed in blood red, orange, and a light yellow, with decaying and wilting brown from all the sick trees. He hates this organic planet, yet loves the beauty Cybertron is lacking."

The cavern fell away, and the large tree rippled into view. Back to the grassy land, smothered with the sharp cool air. Some leaves had fallen off, peppering the greenery with red and orange. Brown had smooshed most of the bright colored areas. The light blue sky, the clouds still floated hazily over the two mechs, the same but different. One of reality and one of a cracked memory.

"I don't know why my processor created this place. I don't know why I created you either. But it's lovely," Knock Out murmured. He visibly relaxed, slumping hazily further into the ground and almost ready to fall into recharge. The medic believed he was in his world for almost a nanoklik. Just a little bit more and he would have his rest.

"Starscream's the definition of irony," the transparent Seeker chuckled, shaking his helm.

"Oh I know!" the medic shot up, "Maybe I remember him now. He's gray–dull and boring–"

"Honestly," Star huffed, "either you went crazy in here or you hit your helm so hard you're relapsing on yourself."

Knock Out did not hesitate when he leaped out of the room and phased into reality.

There was no plan, no story as the red medic continued searching for the Seeker of the lost. He simply intertwined within the sentiments of delusional lines, the color of yellow threatening to break the overwhelming spell of black and purple. **  
**  
Blah blah blah. Haze here and haze there, hit another road block.

"It's terribly late. It's close to the next day and we are no further to finding Starscream," The medic continued to flit past trails, "I'm worried he may have offlined in the time I was knocked out, or the time I was talking to you," Knock Out glanced at his chronometer, his optics drifting anywhere but himself.

Not an answer replied to his words. But silence.

"Star? Star?" Knock Out looked around to find the transparent Seeker. Ah well. He was no where to be found. Alone again.

Stumbling upon a sight, once a star and a moon.


	5. Five

**Day 5: To Look For**

 _Sorry that I'm a terrible mech,  
I was always known not being the greatest._

"Oh Primus..." The medic rushed over to Starscream. He was unconscious. Knock Out pulled out the medical kit from his subspace and immediately worked on sealing fatal energon lines, welding pieces of metal together, but after injecting a sedative to make sure the Seeker will not wake during the procedure.

The desolated area was filled with sounds of metal, clinking, and the occasional curse emitting from the medic. Time was lost and continued filing forward away bits of memory.

Knock Out finished repairing the Seeker. He wiped energon off of himself and sat back, his optics glazed over with exhaustion. Not that it really mattered to recharge, he only waited until Starscream was online. Equipment was poor when he wasn't on the Nemesis. The medic pulled out a scanner and monitored the Seeker's spark beat.

It remained that way for the next couple of breems, until the sedative had worn off. Starscream stirred, his systems booting up. He was given a cube of energon.

"Good orn Starscream. How was your pleasant recharge?" Knock Out started.

"Hurts like the Pit," The Seeker winced, feeling all the new welds and cables creaking throughout his frame. He took the cube of energon and began to gulp it now.

"No no," Knock Out pulled the energon cube from Starscream's servos, "Slowly."

The gray Seeker obeyed. Once finished, he gave it back to the medic and subspaced it.

"Are you feeling alright?" Knock Out asked.

"I'm fine."

"No areas that bother you?"

"I said I am fine."

The two mechs lapsed into silence. Starscream was the first to break the stillness.

"What took you so long to find me?"

Knock Out shrugged, "Poor scouting skills. This cavern is like a maze. The communications were jammed and your life signal wasn't showing up. But alas, I tried my best."

Starscream took the answer and said no more. He tried standing up, but almost fell if the medic did not help support him.

"I don't know how long we have been in here," the car former stated nonchalantly, "and I sure do not know the way out. I think there is a path though..."

"You think," Starscream rolled his optics, "we spend even more time in this horrible place."

Knock Out didn't point out the Seeker's wings were twitching in anxiety and nervousness.

The duo continued onwards with their journey, falling into silence once more. None had nothing to say; the medic looked like he spent the orn like the walking dead and Starscream was still healing from his injuries. The medic wanted to get out of the cavern but it was partially due to Knock Out's worries about the Seeker throwing a tantrum or falling to a panic attack.

He didn't mention about Star or anything he had passed by before while walking slowly with the Air Commander. Nor did he pick questions to start another lively conversation with Starscream.

Weak light bled ahead from the cracks in the ceiling. Starscream muttered something happily about Earth's skies and Knock Out grunted in response. The medic let out a Cybertronian form of a yawn as they stumbled through the entrance and back onto the blessing of Earth land.

Knock Out was surely tired. But he did not show this in front of Starscream, not when he was slowly rooting back to his normal self of chattering away about whatever that he has to offer about. His thoughts floated back to Star. The dream Seeker seemed more chipper, and now Knock Out wished, just wished the real Starscream would act more like his dreams. It may help, would have helped him before the Air Commander lost himself to a perpetual stance of deranged insanity.

Starscream turned to speak to Knock Out but reconsidered the idea. The two mechs continued to stumble their way forth until they found a decent area of brush and shrubbery, enough to conceal them from unsuspecting onlookers.

For once, the silence did not get to the car former. He did not like being too still in stressful or dire situations, rather using laughter and humor to weasel his way into the stressed and broody ones.

"You should rest," Starscream suggested, "You look as tired like a medical or quantum physics student worrying over an exam."

"The all and mighty Second in Command gets back at it again," Knock Out chuckled as he transformed into his vehicle mode.

"Thank you," came the sarcastic reply.

All might and cheers to our favorite Seeker.

Knock Out drifted into another sleepless flux.

"I know what it feels like."

Not much time had passed since Knock Out had last rested. He sat up and gazed at the horizon ahead trying to pick at past memories to no avail.

"To want to die and be reborn again to someone entirely new. Not that the consequences had lead us to this place, also our fault too."

The medic barely twitched at the Seeker's quiet rambling. He had been like this for some time, listening to the creaking of metal and the barely audible wind of the morning. Dipping in dew, grass froze over and had died in the night.

"Why? Why do you wish such death but continue to live in stubborn and fear?" Knock Out asked, intrigued at the contradictory of the Seeker's past and current statements.

Starscream barely raised an optic of care, "I don't know the answer myself. Maybe I fear death, and seeing it wouldn't be the way out to end the misery."

The more unclear his answers came, the more confused Knock Out was left pondering.

In the end, he realized his memories were going to be lost in the breeze of autumn. The trees withered as the orange dulled and fell off, each and every orn with every passing joor. Slowly but surely it was there.

 _HE_ stood up and briskly walked, leaving a shadow of his former self behind. Would it be, to chase after someone who believed nothing else, grovelling and weeping, yet looking for one of forgiveness.

" _He is sad."_

 _Oh shut up Star._

" _He is my dear."_

"What happened?"

The Seeker spun around, "What do you mean?"

"I don't get you," the medic snarled, his patience breaking, "Why aren't you happy?! Is this some stupid facade, this sick twisted game of yours, to drag me around? Who did you lose? Was it Megatron? What did he ever do to you? Will you ever please explain anything that goes on in that ridiculous processor of yours?"

Nothing ever stunned Starscream. Not even a threat, not a fusion cannon, he knew his way with words. But when asked something personal, so deep inside, it opened the many wounds the Seeker contained. And so he smirked.

"You don't understand."

"That's what you've been telling me all these few days!" Knock Out retorted.

"Those few days were to help you...understand."

"Introspective slag my arse."

Starscream straightened himself, his wings twitching in anger. Whatever calm he retained had left.

"I told you were too naive. Too...stupid and ignorant to understand what runs on this ship. Have you gotten through that thick helm of yours? You act cocky and sarcastic to lighten the mood without you ever realizing it. That is because it is your outlet, how you cope with stress."

"I don't want to lose another mech damn it!"

The Seeker froze and withdrew from the words. Knock Out narrowed his optics, gritting his denta in frustration. When Starscream didn't respond, the medic continued.

"You are correct I act this way because it is how I cope. My outlet. But you–you mope, you scheme, you're stubborn to the Pits, you don't understand how terrible my processor has become these orns. Even before I came, I loathed recharging. Why? I see mechs dying left and right, and some orn some mech I care about is going to die and I can't do anything about it. How do you want to prove yourself?"

Starscream scoffed, "Me? Proving myself? I have nothing to prove about."

His arrogance was slowly seeping back in.

"Put down those fragging walls before I invade your processor yourself, Starscream."

"Shut up, you don't know."

"Know what? What do I need to know that you won't tell me?"

Silence dropped and Starscream seemed to reconsider having a conversation with the medic at all.

"It's none of your business," the Seeker curtly answered, "I didn't attempt to become friends with you in the first place. It was only out of my—you already know it would be for personal gain."

"Starscream, cut the bullslag and answer to some mech honestly for once! Is that all I have to ask for?"

His Air Commander seemed to retreat further into the safety of himself. Servos and arms wrapped around his chassis, hugging his physical frame.

"I don't believe you need to know–"

"What's with the introspective revelations? What does that have to mean? What are you trying to teach me? For Primus' sake tell me what is going on!"

Knock Out's face crumpled and twisted into a melancholic agony.

"Will you even open up to any mech ever again?"

War-hardened sparks.

The frustration of delicate friendship hovered in balance.

"Some orn, you're going to push me away, I know it. Just help me understand for once."

Starscream shook his helm, slowly, "Even with your reserved kindness, I don't think so."

"Primus, you're so stubborn you won't even admit you need help."

"I don't need help!"

"You do. But since you don't, you are free to do whatever you wish to do so."

Knock Out transformed into his alt mode, "I'm going out for a drive. I'll see you some joor."

He drove off, leaving the Seeker behind. Starscream didn't chase the fading Aston Martin. He watched, his frame reflecting nothing except for cold silence.

* * *

The medic fell back into the old habits of street racing and teasing other racers who even dared try to beat him. Not even the most powerful engine with top notch horsepower could beat a Cybertronian race car. Knock Out only told himself it was to burn off anger, to burn off extra energy. Anger he never needed to reside with. Frag it, if Starscream is really as pathetic as the Seeker would be, then Knock Out would have never went out in the first place.

The dissatisfaction with the break left the medic bitter and cold. The Autobot attack...maybe it was a random event. Lack of cloaking devices, something must be going on for the opposing faction to leap out of nowhere.

Knock Out hated thinking. Bursts of random memories would leave him petrified as he tried to regain his normal posture of sarcasm. It was a lie, he was telling himself. Even it was the truth, as he panicked and tried to hold what was already slipping past his digits.

He snorted as another racer tried to surpass him. On the gas, he shot forward, leaving the rest of his opponents behind. Superiority. The thrill of winning, teasing and watching them lose rushed into his processor and bled away.

Quick dash, slow down, and speed up again as enemies hissed in frustration. It was the thrill Knock Out enjoyed, forgetting about everyone but himself and the present of time. The medic was too far from his opponents to slow down and gloat. He pressed himself forward, pushing back another spark of his conversation with Starscream.

Breems ticked by.

Knock Out began to regret leaving his Air Commander behind, knowing the Seeker was a rank higher than he was. He could swing back and face the endearing punishment, or keep rolling ahead and sneak back onto the _Nemesis_. The decision to roll ahead meant even more punishment, so the better choice would to find the Seeker before he did something stupid. At worse, deactivated. Megatron would be furious.

Back to cruising and scouting, would it be?

Of course it was quickly cut short when the medic commed the Seeker. Starscream responded immediately with coordinates attached. The Aston Martin drove to the destination.

The opening view was grand. Knock Out transformed into his bipedal mode. Starscream glanced at him. It seemed strange he did not harbor a look of hatred toward the car former. Oh well, good graces here it will go.

It was just like the previous orns. Standing over the cliff and watching the sea splash against the rocky cliffs into the fading sky. The medic knew he crawled back to the Seeker out of his own care and undesirable worry. The feeling he wished he never had, but without would leave one compassionless.

Knock Out was prepared to face the punishment he felt crawling over his energon lines since moving forward with the decision. Nagging and creeping, feeling the disappointment and fear get the better of his processor. Oh well. He had lived long enough to see the war at its stalemate.

"Nothing hm?"

The Seeker barely glanced at him. Still composed, just the same as he ever was.

"No no, not really. I don't blame you for leaving me."

A quick, sharp cool response.

Surprise colored the medic's features.

"Why would it be?" he queried cautiously.

Starscream chuckled, "I'm not the best mech out there. I know that. Even if Megatron, Soundwave and the troops keep rubbing it in my face as if I am too much of a youngling to understand. I do. I've done much more than the Third in Command would ever be able to keep track of. Not even Megatron knows, despite our...relationship with each other."

"You don't say much because of blackmail."

"Please, the Decepticons have enough of that to sentence me to death _if_ this war is over. Optimus would be disappointed."

Knock Out pondered over the statement for a few nanokliks.

"So you'd choose execution over begging for mercy?"

"At one point, you'll realize the many regrets you will continue to live. Always there, forever haunting. You really expect me to forget about it anytime soon?"

"Sometimes you do..." Knock Out grumbled.

"I stopped caring really. This cycle of abuse and ruling of an iron fist, it a normal way of life on the _Nemesis_ You can't change it."

Knock Out sprang in confidence, his voice providing so, "I have the power and the ability. If it wasn't for the current situation you're in…"

The Air Commander shook his helm, "Even if you do, would it be enough?"

 _Would it be enough?_

Some orn, Knock Out knew his regrets would come back to him.

"I don't wish death. But if I did, what would you say?"

Knock Out seemed evasive to the question.

"I could have been a great doctor. Many mecha in my lifetime had said that to me. But each orn I keep walking toward that path, I don't know if I had cared. Why I said, why I mentioned I turned to other methods of living up to society's expectations. Do good, work hard, earn a good salary instead of following my passions."

"What are your passions?" Starscream asked. It was a rare moment the Seeker ever listened and sat down. The last experience had been with the Arctic of old ice some many vorns ago.

Knock Out laughed, "Design and fashion. It's relaxing to sit down and sketch out ideas when applied to a certain frame, it would look pretty and stand out. Starscream, I've always complained about how dull your choice of color would be. Gray? A splash and tinge of matte black and white, streaks of red, and honestly, your heels would be dashing with a glossy finish."

"Now you're digressing," Starscream wasn't able to repress the smirk, "Knock Out, if you've lived a world full of your passions, reality is going to hit you at the speed of a space bridge. I wish it was that easy."

"Seeker prejudice?"

"I may have experienced prejudice at some point, but not as worse as some of the other Seekers I've known before..." Starscream trailed off.

Knock Out blinked, "I've always wondered what was happening in the medical industry...regardless of my position and where I am now. It isn't pretty to say the least."

"What did go on in those hospitals?"

The medic let out a sigh, "I used to work with a well-known doctor. The doctor who is able to whip any mech right back in shape and yell all sorts of obscenities if the patient doesn't listen to him. In our own free time during our breaks, he would rant a lot about the mental health of mecha on Cybertron. Stating how many were not given they help they needed, barely brushed upon or talked about in the media. With the corruption of the Council, he wasn't able to get enough mecha to pay attention."

"That would explain the steady number of deaths rising in the vorns listed: Unknown," Starscream mused.

"Correcto. Sometimes, I would see him—the doctor—distressed about patients who were not able to receive the help they needed. Not only is it expensive, but rare and spread out on Cybertron. You'll have to travel for some time to find the nearest bustling city that at least consisted a mental health center."

Starscream pondered for a bit, "It seems you are describing the Autobot Ratchet."

Knock Out felt the designation register in his processor. Familiar, yet strange, "It's been some time so I don't really remember the doctor's name. Nor do I care if the doctor is a doctor or a medic I did just talk about is Ratchet."

Starscream shrugged, "If it isn't Ratchet, then I'm not sure who else you are looking for."

"The doctor I've spoken of might be offline," Knock Out refrain himself from pacing, "I can only move forward from here."

The two mechs fell into another period of silence. Knock Out didn't want to admit it, but with the gaps in their conversations lately, he wasn't sure how their conversations carried out when they came back on the _Nemesis_. Of course, Knock Out had to think of something stupid.

A well done stupid action but he kicked his Air Commander off the cliff and into the sea. The poor Seeker was unable to comprehend what was happening before he splashed into the freezing ocean.

A shout floated upwards, like musical notes to Knock Out's audial receptors. If it were anything, he would love to see some mech laugh and bite in sparkling like joy. Even in a war, does it matter it one needs a break to be themselves? Rhetorical questions, hypocritical questions, hyperbolized questions representing no meaning.

He didn't really care. None of them really cared. As long as they had each other, as long as they continue to had their silly arguments and whispers of the thrilling sentiments, he would continue telling himself. Telling himself that is was all real, that everything would be alright. Their friendship really mattered.

Knock Out was almost there. Yellow flickered in his vision. The dancing light, the sun star was in his servos, and he would continue holding the Seeker's and never letting him go. Starscream mattered most, even if he was at fault, the flaws tainting his…

No.

It would be wrong.

He could not envision a mech to be so merciful. A false lie, Knock Out would not be living a lie of his own fantasies. He had everything he wanted. Even more, just a little bit more was to sing the Seeker into his arms. The car former shuddered and erased his previous thoughts. He looked down at Starscream who was struggling to transform and fly out of the water. Knock Out laughed. Cherry merry as he jumped down, splashing into the sea spray.

Silence as he opened his optics, the bubbles floating its way to the surface. Peace.

And then he climbed his way toward the surface to further irritate Starscream. Into the sunset where it burned a bright yellow.

* * *

 _We are about halfway there and have about seven chapters left or less. I apologize for the sporadic updates. I will try to upload three chapters tomorrow; time for a lot of crunching in the late night. I also apologize if this plot is going nowhere or there is a lack of character development and terrible OOC-ness. Their personalities can go either way...I'm doubting myself too much._

 _I want to thank (really late) the people who have reviewed, followed, and favorited.  
_


	6. Six

**Day 6: Naught**

 _Everything kind of sucks,  
But well, I'm trying at least._

Six days of nothing to count for as he remembered trying to conceal his care and concern for his Air Commander. Six days of warming up the bright yellow he saw glinting in optics and others. Everything grew hazy with the last remembrance of a disconnected trial. Nothing was coherent.

He walked and looked, the orns blurred so heavily he could barely remember.

It was the constant repetition to pull himself from the haze ever since he messed up. Big time, his opportunities went down in the Pits.

" _You were so gifted! Why did you waste it?"_

" _I've always expected more from you."_

Expectation, his aft. They could have someone else to worship their grounds on. They should have not pushed him. In his fluxes, it was there, continuing to haunt him. With the redundancy of onlining to the dark ceiling, he had grown used to the darkness and the lack of recharge in his systems. Sometimes if he wasn't cautious enough, a favorable nightmare would accompany his thoughts and his processor. Pieces of corrupted memories and fears seeped into his movements.

Knock Out had grown use to the gaps in his memories during the daylight and forgetting his Supreme Commander's orders. Not that he fully regretted forgetting, the latter part of it was out of his control. Knock Out could shape himself up to become a better mech to escape from the apathy he is enduring. But why?

Starscream didn't rant about anything as they travelled quietly. No static or crackle coming from the comms. Another phase of silence, just like back on the _Nemesis_ when their conversations faded to nothing, when sentiments died and all it left was the quiet hum of the warship. Knock Out would then begin to speak again in easy, smooth tones of made-up stories, irritating the Seeker to no end and both would back to into another spit of anger, conversation, and teasing.

"Well what do we have here?" Knock out mused. Starscream was a bit behind in arriving at their current destination. They chose a random state, a random country to lose themselves back in the nature and cloudy area once more.

The medic poked and prodded for a few kliks, his curiosity spiking. His pedes crunched over dead leaves, rusted red, dark yellow, orange and brown. The hum of thrusters dying down, followed by clicks and gears shifting and turning drew the Decepticon medic's attention.

"I uh...apologize for my tardiness. There was a bit of air traffic and...let's say the military is after my thrusters," Starscream chuckled nervously, twiddling his digits.

"Isn't that lovely."

"We could always leave for a different destination."

"I'm sure it will be alright," Knock Out patted the Seeker's shoulder plates, "the place you've chosen is pretty like always."

Starscream twitched at the compliment, "Thank you. Perhaps we should get going—"

"I have never images this place to be so damp and full of yellow leaves," Knock Out danced about in a stupefied way, "No matter. I'm still feeling _salt_ in my pedes."

The medic scurried about, Starscream following in pursuit with less confidence than before. Yeah that was right. The Seeker somehow lost all of his narcissistic qualities the time their "vacation" started and is back to his cowardly ways. Knock Out hummed a classical tune as they inched their way out of the forest and upon a vast field.

The twittering of a bird snapped both mechs out of their silent trance. The sound was much more obnoxious than the birds of earth were to be—

"Laserbeak," Starscream grumbled.

"What does thy silent mech want now?" Knock out queried, Soundwave's cassette watching them as they flapped here and fro, their gaze never leaving the two mechs.

"I have a feeling Soundwave sent his drone to move and intimidate us," Starscream replied casually.

The comment wasn't taken well for Laserbeak shot a few stray lasers at the Seeker, singeing him.

"I just fixed that!" Knock Out hissed.

Starscream guffawed, "About an orn ago you did!" He coughed and let out a pained noise.

"Well done Soundwave, well done. I'm pleased you enjoyed a withering Starscream," Knock Out drawled, taking out his equipment to attend to the now injured patient. The Seeker flinched as the medic settled beside him, quietly working on the reopened welds. Laserbeak watched from afar. Starscream wobbly stood up after Knock Out was finished.

"Now don't you overstrain yourself. If you transform right now, be prepared for a whole world of pain. Rest for at least a few kliks."

"Of course," the Seeker muttered drily.

"So Laserbeak," Knock Out turned his attention to the mechanical bird, still staring intently at them, "What does Soundwave want from us?"

Never a response but they continued to gaze. Regardless, Knock Out seemed pleased with the silence.

"Very well then. It seems we'll be going back in two orns time. Or three at max. Megatron is awake I presume?"

Again, no answer. Starscream carefully looked at Knock Out with a grotesque sort of feature. "Why do you talk to mechs, undead, un-responding as if they are capable of talking back to you?"

"Beats me," Knock Out shrugged. "You talk to no mech sometimes."

"I do not!" The childish demeanor has returned at full force. All aboard the flight of escaping from idiots departing in three minutes.

"Wise, stupid, sentimental, I can go on," The Aston Martin cheerfully replied and looked up at the towering cliff. "My my, what a place we had come to. Entertainment for Soundwave begins in approximately T-minus ten seconds!"

Friends until the very end at least.

"Up we go Star!"

He was now daring himself to perform a trick he hadn't done in so long. Run parallel, scaling and grabbing at anything to hold his balance, another somersault and then he was sprinting towards the sky if the clouds were calling his name. Starscream was right behind him, transforming into his alt mode with a cackle.

The translucent Star had swapped colors some time ago and was laughing gleefully in Knock Out's audio receptors. The medic scrambled up the ledge of the cliff and hauled himself over just as Starscream shot high into the sky and continued to climb higher. Past the clouds until he vanished as a gray dot.

"He really loved the skies you know. Always running off the harbor, the big show-off he is," Knock Out said, a grin threatening to split his face.

The response was the twitter of Laserbeak. Soundwave _must_ enjoy the show. The performance the two put in a scramble of silly endeavors and dares.

 _Just friends, until the very end at least_.

Until the orn one of them leaves and vanishes forever.

Starscream showed up again, speeding toward Knock Out with a speed enough to envy past aerialbots. He transformed, spinning and landed, cracking the cliff. Dust clouded of where they stood. The Seeker wiped energon off from the reopened welds.

"Haha," he laughed, "It's just a nanite problem. Something's wrong with me, but I'll be fine."

 _Molten metal and ash_.

Back at it again, Knock Out didn't care if he is running low on supplies. All it matters it was for he, to repair and heal, to break open others if he needed to. Only for him, rarely for others. The welds were sealed back up in less then a breem, a dose of nanites injected in an energon line. The Seeker was standing, back on his pedes.

Click.

Snap.

A photograph was taken.

Nobody knew, nobody cared either way. It was carefully stored away, never to be revealed from prying optics except for one.

The medic was a bit confused as to why Starscream's welds hadn't healed yet. It was odd to say the least. None of them had experienced a virus in the past few orns.

"Failing to grasp those friends?"

Static.

Laughter.

"I don't have any friends, what are you talking about?"

Normal reassurance, Knock Out forced himself to believe a lie.

"But you have me," Starscream flicked his wings, and drew his knees close to his chassis. The two mechs were roped into another conversation without knowing, Laserbeak forgotten.

"I do. Whatever you think of it as."

Attachment was a waste of space and he dare no loathe forth the day he didn't.

"This war is stupid."

The Seeker untangled himself from his position and laid on the ground. A leg crossing over a bent knee. Optics staring at the sky.

"He fought for equality. For freedom. To stand against the prejudice mecha of the lower caste faced and it vanquished to global domination and power."

Tap tap, on the Decepticon insignia Starscream bore on his chassis. "I've stood by him for so long until a nice punishment snapped me into reality. The delusional leader. Fate himself as a tragic villain."

"Hey," Knock Out snapped the Seeker out of his trance before he fell into another emotionless rambling, "if you ever go away for some time, tell me you will come back?"

"Knock Out, I believe you weren't aware of the disappearances I pulled before I arrived on Earth. But, I will."

It wasn't accurate but partially true. The medic did know of the Seeker's disappearances off of the _Nemesis_ to who knows what.

"Were you ever okay whenever you lived in Vos?"

A chuckle, "I've lived there my whole life. Before the war, working as a scientist. If there was no such war on Cybertron, I highly doubt I wouldn't become like this," the Air Commander gestured to himself, "I believed I always had more."

Not through words. An observer. Starscream always observed those around him.

An idea flitted its way to Knock Out.

"Tell me something about Soundwave."

Surprise.

"Soundwave?" Starscream asked in disbelief, as if he hadn't heard right. "Soundwave? I don't think I've met him at all before the war started. He did transfer to the university I was attending once for a short period of time before he left. Arrived and vanished, gone like the wind."

"You two always seemed to avoid each other."

"We never were always on the best terms. I don't blame him."

Laserbeak let out a chitter, scaring both mechs. Starscream shot up immediately and Knock Out composed himself together, almost jumping. The mechanical bird took off from wherever they had resided, disappearing into the sky and vanishing amongst the clouds.

"Bye bye then."

Starscream looked over at the medic.

"Never noticed but you always had a habit of speaking randomly to inanimate objects."  
"Glad you pointed it out just now," Knock Out replied.

* * *

Laserbeak hummed happily as they entered the _Nemesis_ once more. They weaved through the hallways, looking for their creator and reattached themselves to Soundwave's chassis. The Communications Officer barely glanced up from his work.

" _Were you able to find Knock Out and Starscream?"_

A chitter, reassurance sent through the bond, " _Of course I did. Though they do remind me of...you know."_

 _"_ _I do."_

 _"I also have a recording of their conversations."_

Soundwave received the file as Laserbeak slipped into recharge. The silent mech opened it, seeing cloudy skies and…

An interesting conversation he hadn't heard for many vorns.

* * *

 _Hi, please forgive me, the quality is deteriorating and I don't think I'll be able to finish it. All I have is paragraphs of random words. I have nothing to say for myself.  
_


	7. Seven & AN

**Day 7:** **Apathetic  
**  
 _Bitter._

Knock Out wasn't able to recharge, albeit Starscream seemed to rest peacefully. The medic still worried about the slowly, or rather say, un-healing welds.

The Seeker stated it was "just a nanite problem". Knock Out wasn't having any of the excuse. Despite his lack of recharge, he knew he is operating on one of Starscream's vital lines. Operating sounds terrifying. Knock Out was carefully adding a healthy dose of nanites via injection from a syringe to keep the welds repairing and healed. The Aston Martin was now second-guessing Starscream having a very delicate and fragile system.

Knock Out would never consider his Air Commander as terminally ill but there were a few warning signs from time to time. They were sporadic and silent. The medic couldn't help but notice the old scarring from attempts at self-repair. The more recent ones from a few quartexes ago were thinner and lighter. Ones from vorns ago were indicated by jagged, thick areas that were never properly healed.

Starscream, a walking weapon. Starscream, a walking disaster. And Starscream, a scar of what the Decepticons once stood for, now lying as a broken heap of a shattered faction.

 _Come back to me_.

The cherry red medic subspaced his medical kit and pulled out an energon cube.

 _I said come back to me!_

Knock Out jolted, "Who's there?"

"You idiot. It's just me, Star. Your wonderful friend.

"Ah..."

The translucent Seeker plopped themselves down on the ground.

"Howdy. How are you faring up?"

A quick trained and smooth reply found its way to the medic's mouth, "Good, nothing much."

Knock Out desperately tried to claw at some random memory.

"Have you summoned me once more?" the transparent Seeker asked.

The medic shook his head, "No. I didn't ask for you to be here. Why did you show up?"

"I just had a feeling you needed me here."

Knock Out bit back from surprise. Star gave him a quizzical look but made no attempt to pull out the withdrawn mech. The stars bled from above underneath a Seeker's quiet venting.

"I'm sorry, no. I didn't need you here right now. It was silly of me, thinking I can make up a mech who doesn't exist because in reality here is so mentally corrupted and hates himself, I would be feigning empathy.

"Star, you aren't my friend," the medic turned his gaze to the fading Seeker. "I made you up to keep the company I was missing along the way. Seems it began to manifest and mess me up more than it should have eh?"

It didn't say anything.

Only smiled.

 _That horrible smile Knock Out dreaded and hated seeing in his dreams. Staring back so blankly and uncaring. Unwilling to move forward._

"Bye bye, you go. Starscream will no longer hear of your existence."

Commanding as the words will be, it vanished.

Knock Out shook his helm as he vanquished the imaginary world inside his processor. It had outlived its usefulness. No need to watch the world inside his head trying to become true in reality.

What goes is wherever he goes.

He looked back at the slumbering real Seeker and back up at the night sky.

It all began with Starscream's strange behavior. Understanding where the Seeker came from, Starscream never enjoyed anything on Earth. He always complained it was disgusting, irritating, annoying and every other colorful word. Often, he would mutter about survival and lurking. The SIC had a look of disgust whenever Knock Out went out to drag race, longing for a home that was destroyed. Longing for something he was missing. Incomplete.

Starscream never cared for rain, never cared for landscapes the Earth provided. Yet, Knock Out watched in a sort of weird and lovely fascination as one orn, the Seeker came hitchhiking into the medical bay with a stack of data pads and began to read.

He sat for over a few joors, never noticing when Knock Out left to refuel and barely touched his energon cube. Breakdown came in a few times to have a small conversation with the Decepticon medic, but it would never last long as their curious gazes trailed back to the ever quiet Starscream.

Knock Out didn't know what happened in the Seeker. He was always bitching about something. Uncaring of others. Supercilious and a tragedy of his own self.

Some orn, something must have snapped in Starscream. He must have realized he is going to die under Megatron's fist. To keep the ship sane and normal. Dysfunctional as Knock Out put. Not that Starscream is a masochist but realizing he had nowhere to go. Self-loathing could only run so deep into a blackhole.

He was never a star-gazer. At some point, he realized the sole coldness, the slow energon lines, venting in cold crisp air lapses into a quiet journey of reflecting back on one's life. Strange wonders.

The Decepticon medic wasn't able to recharge and he knew it. He vaguely remembered stating out loud a similar statement while he was working on the welds. The reoccurring nightmares, strange flashes floating back and forth in his vision, grotesque methods of mecha dying and the last breath taken from a choke enough to make any mech uneasy.

He was a liar.

He knew much about himself.

Yet he didn't.

Strange nonsense. The medic began to fiddle with his door plating. A bit bored, but there was nothing else to do to pass the time. And he cannot endanger Starscream by abandoning the Seeker.

One joor to go before dawn and another orn has risen to welcome the sleepless mech.

Laserbeak. Knock Out wondered if they recorded anything about his conversation with Starscream. Yes, he assumed it was for Soundwave's entertainment but what? Even as he managed to convince himself the Communications Officer would not be watching them, tracking them, the silent con will always be following them.

He tapped on a past memory floating sluggishly in his processor.

* * *

Soundwave entered the medical bay. The Decepticon medic looked up from his work. The Third in Command rarely entered Knock Out's realm without any pressing issues and needs from Megatron. Soundwave was always at his post, monitoring the _Nemesis_.

Starscream, who was in another corner of the bay barely looked up from the data pad he was currently occupying. He acknowledged Soundwave's entrance with the flick of his wings. Said mech being welcomed at nodded at Knock Out and made his way toward the Seeker.

Worry quickly overturned any other emotion in Knock Out. He watched the silent Decepticon sitting down next to Starscream and tap a datapad. The Seeker finally looked up from what he was reading and almost jumped. Soundwave tilted his helm in an innocent manner, before Starscream gently pushed the con.

Knock Out was almost grateful for the dim lighting because his jaw hit the floor.

In the mere orns since his arrival on the ship, the Decepticon medic always knew to stay out of Soundwave's path. It was true to his observations most members of the _Nemesis_ left a wide berth whenever the Communications Officer took a stroll in the hallways. It was never a stroll. His walks were more of a mandatory checkup on the _Nemesis_ ' systems.

Starscream bailed one orn when Megatron forced Soundwave to take a one joor–leave, much to Soundwave's silent distress. The _Nemesis_ almost crashed into the Atlantic Ocean with Starscream quoting "Megatron's corpse". Needless to say, no mech ever saw Soundwave rest then. He was present when the ship started going down, trying to restore order in the anarchy that pursued.

Anyways, Knock Out digresses. Starscream was laughing about something quietly. Soundwave was shaking a little, probably out of stupid antics or the asinine of Starscream. Knock Out wasn't really sure.

The Decepticon medic found it all strange.

Megatron's absence was even stranger. Curious even.

The next few joors consisted of questioning Vehicons the whereabouts of Megatron. Besides fixing him up, he was nowhere to be seen after. Most would "look" at him funny, as they all knew the reputation of the Decepticon warlord.

Words floated endlessly through the hallways of a haunted spell and the same roles tied. Nobody meant anything, and they meant anything.

The darkness was slowly creeping and wrapping around his processor, the words and queries spill from his denta, changing and shifting.

No answer.

Megatron was nowhere to be found.

He tried to remember the last time he was sent by the warlord to report. Knock Out was sure it didn't happen once, barely acknowledged his appearance nor even a formal thank you.

The medic head back to his bay.

Upon entering, the silence lingered, everything the same as he left as it is.

But —

Soundwave had vanished and Starscream was still reading The pile of data pads were significantly lower. A soft vent and Knock Out went back to what he was doing.

The tools remained unpolished.

* * *

"He-llo? Cybertron to Knock Out? Or is it—oh frag these human Earth phrases."

Said mech snapped out of his memory. His optics sharpened and focused on a waving servo in front of him. Goody. Starscream is awake.

"Good morning," the Decepticon medic replied, standing up and stretching to loosen the stiff cables and joints. "How may I assist you today?"

"Don't think I'm stupid but you, have not recharged for some time. Care to explain?" Starscream twitched his wings.

A forlorn smile took over, "Silly me. Don't worry about it, I just had a night flux —"

"I just told you, I'm not stupid," Starscream cut Knock Out off. "Your EM field has been radiating strong lately and it is such a tired state that even I, want to go back and recharge."

"—and I'll say I didn't say anything. How about we go to Sweden before returning to the _Nemesis_?" Knock Out cheerfully put on his best shit-eating grin. That should suffice.

Starscream rolled his optics, "I really don't think I can. You still make me want to go back and recharge."

Knock Out was tuning and controlling his EM field to be toned down to emit the minimal at most. Daybreak shone.

And then he realized it was all familiar.

The same sick days he could barely bring to feel. The heaviness muddled in his mind, staying online, the empty feeling and—

 _hurting chassis, the fists clenched so tightly and felt his spark about to explode_ —

—rushed all at once. The medic barely choked back a rising sob, frame shuttering. A train wreck. Damn. He evened his breathing and quickly as it might be, returned to an apathetic stance. Starscream looked over at him–was that concern?–and Knock Out stared back. The Seeker looked away but never once shifted from his tense stance.

Still off the warship and Starscream could never bring himself to relax.

He was banging on the walls of his own cage.

They didn't move for another journey. It was already over, the last orn.

Knock Out hoped he was able to remember.

* * *

 _I have realized in the end, I am unable to complete this. I have drafts for the remaining chapters, but upon looking back of what I wrote, I've realized this story has many flaws. I had overused imagery and figurative language to the point it is overwhelming the plot. Canon and derived character personalities have been lost in the imagery of what I could have achieved in videography. I did a poor job of constructing the plot together thinking: Oh! I could do this in three months without thoroughly planning it out. And that is my weakness._

 _I always hated planning out each chapter, which inevitably caused the lack of motivation and downfall when education and assignments begin to get in the way. Have I planned out thoughtfully, it would have been finished while juggling schoolwork._

 _The first attempt of writing a fanfic after leaving creative writing for a few years and I realized I have been out of touch in writing thoughtfully planned stories._

 _For now, this will be cancelled and/or rewritten at a later time. I sincerely apologize to those who are looking for more and waiting to see the end. The autumn challenge was fun though! I wanted to associate the whole symbolism behind autumn, but it seems I haven't been able to do so. I have debated about deleting this story, but rejected the thought. It would be nice to look back of where I first started._

 _I may publish the remaining chapters but looking but, it would be best to leave the entire document as it is and file it away in Google Drive.  
_

 _Thank you for coming this far! This would be the last chapter for now. A cliffhanger of equivocation.  
_


End file.
